Yo.: Archive

Jun 24th

Jun 4th

I just wistfully asked a customer how it was outside. She said, “blustery”. Blustery? Don’t get me wrong, it is blustery but come on. Who do you think you are? Winnie the Pooh? We humans just say windy.

Apr 27th

Apr 14th

Apr 13th

Me Being Irrationally Stressed Out About Trivial...

heyimjaclyn: I can not describe how much I loathe getting oil changes. For this reason, I put them off forever. Then, I put them off even longer because I’m embarrassed that I haven’t gotten an oil change in 10,000 miles. Plus, it seems that each place has its own set of social norms that I am completely unsure of. I used to have the saaaaame problem. (I still do, but I can’t often pass up...

Apr 13th

Bumper Stickers

So, earlier I was driving behind a truck with a bumper sticker that said, “Don’t Steal. The government hates competition.” Kinda stupid, but I was at a red light and I looked over and saw an older lady driving alone squinting to read it. When she read what it said she seriously open mouth laughed for at least 30 seconds. Then, she took out a notebook and pen and wrote it down...

Apr 7th

Apr 2nd

“Hey piss face. You smell like shit.”

– Something I just said (aloud) to my guinea pig. I hope he knows that I was just kidding. I would feel awful if he was harboring any ill will toward me. (via heyimjaclyn) I just laughed out loud when I read this. I actually continue to laugh out loud each time I read this. I might put this on my...

Apr 2nd

Mar 27th

Mar 23rd

I think a hooker just came to my door by accident.

heyimjaclyn: A very scantily clad woman was quite surprised when I opened the door. I honestly thought it was going to be a killer when I opened the door. I don’t know anyone here. Oh my! That is absolutely hilarious. I want to watch a reality show of your life.

Mar 19th

Mar 5th

Drum Set →

heyimjaclyn: Do not click this link. It costs me fifteen minutes each time. I think the I is my favorite.

Mar 5th

The McGangBang →

“It’s kind of like having a threesome with two ugly chicks. While it’s happening you’re stoked, because hey threesome!!! But once you’re finished it kinda sinks in about what you’ve done.” Is it weird that this looks kind of good to me? I would probably have to lose one of the extra buns, but you know, I just might have to try it. I think I might need...

Mar 4th

Mar 2nd

Pet Peeve.

I have a lot of pet peeves. Like, really a LOT. I know this, and honestly I don’t care. But seriously, why would you combine two words that mean the same thing into one word that sounds completely annoying AND isn’t even a real word? I.E. chillax, ginormous, fantabulous…. Gross.

Mar 2nd

Woah, I got so much internet right now I don’t even know what to do with myself.

Feb 24th

Feb 22nd

wal-mart is so gross.

So, did you hear about the couple who named their son Adolf Hitler and their daughter something… arian nation…something (I can’t remember her name just that her middle name was arian nation)? They tried to get a birthday cake made for little Adolf’s third birthday when the store refused and turned them in to child protective services or something. They said that they...

Feb 3rd

Cha-Ching!

So, I cancelled my cable and internet about a week ago. I figured that there is never anything good on TV anyway (though that doesn’t stop me from watching it) and I can just go to the lounge or school or something to use the internet. Since of course that never happens I’m quite elated to discover that at certain times of the day, if I get my computer in just the right place, I can...

Jan 29th

Haha.

heyimjaclyn: Day 3 of our winter disaster (aka 2 inches of snow) begins tomorrow. Yes, we do have school. But, it begins 2 hours late. People down here are crazy. This would never fly in Michigan. That’s so funny. When I drove into work a few days ago my car said it was -16 degrees. That’s not so funny, it’s making me sad just thinking about it. Want a roommate?

Jan 22nd

Hello this is Afro Samurai calling for Melissa...

So, I’m totally broke and without health insurance so I have to go to Planned Parenthood to get my birth control. Luckily, you can schedule your appointment right on line. So I’m filling out the form and it, very considerately, asks how you would like them to identify themselves if they call. There is a drop down menu of choices like doctor’s office, friend, whatever. But...

Jan 20th

Jan 17th

This should be your Match.com commercial.

heyimjaclyn: Every week I let my apartment go to shit. I leave crap everywhere. I would be really embarrassed if anyone were to walk in here on a Thursday (luckily this will never be a problem due to my chronic solitude). The worst part? I don’t really care because if I let it get really messy, I’ll have something to do on the weekends.

Jan 9th

What the ?!?

There’s a burger on Man vs. Food that instead of buns it uses two grilled cheese sandwiches! What the ? I wasn’t really paying attention but it also contained eggs and bacon. Grilled cheese sandwiches instead of buns. ohmagarsh

Jan 8th

Jan 6th

New Years Resolution:

to write all of my text messages like that Mad Gab game. I had to google “eye mull of machine” to find out the name of that game. Life would be so much harder without the internet.

Jan 3rd

Jan 1st

hard. →

This game is impossible yet strangely hypnotic. It’s so weird. Let me know if you figure it out.

Dec 23rd

My name is Melissa. M-E-L-I-S-S-A

A new Intervention and some drinks make for a good night. That sounds bad. Wow, this is a far more disgusting Intervention than usual. Todd can’t even handle it: ”Let’s just check the score of the football game real quick so I can get my wits about me.” haha.

Dec 23rd

Dec 22nd

Dec 18th

2 notes

Dec 17th

Gross.

“When I was younger, like, I always wanted to be a Rockette. I know that sounds so cliche.” - weird girl on 20/20 Cliche?

Dec 16th

Something I Hate to Love

The Gilmore Girls Everything about that show bothers me. To name a few: the creepy, over-the-top mother/daughter best friend relationship inside jokes and obscure pop culture references that go on way, way, way too long a gross over abundance of “look at how quirky and cute I am” moments Lorelei Gilmore (the mom)- no explanation should be necessary But despite all of this (and...

Dec 16th

Dec 15th

Dec 12th

Dec 8th

502 John Jones Rd. →

I found a new dream house. I absolutely love the 1950s visions of the future.

Dec 6th

This is a very bad gift idea. →

The holidays are coming up and gift certificates are a great alternative to giving cash. This is not a great alternative to giving cash.

Dec 5th